Though we often spend much of our time in this newsletters talking about our #1 Rule: Get Out of The House, we also have a confession to make:
At Social Charm, we love the movies.
From high-flying adventures to intense dramas to light-hearted musicals, we love being carried away by the director's vision and whisked away to another time and place where we live vicariously through the characters on the screen. From the meticulous scenery to the incredible soundtracks that are created, movies are incredibly complex undertakings that push the limits of artistic design, imagination and vision, and - one of our personal favorites - the ability to tell a story. Though nothing will ever replace the magical experience of the novel, there is no doubt that movies can often be a preeminent entertainment experience.
Movies can also instruct us as well, and many movies are created to do just that - whether to make a political point or hammer home a moral, moviemakers for generations have understood the incredible power of movies to convey a message and influence an audience in a way that no mere set of dry facts or argumentation ever could. (In fact, this is precisely why Volume I of our Core Program is dedicated to the art & science of storytelling.)
But there is another type of instruction that movies can provide as well - one that isn't usually consciously thought about by the moviegoer (or oftentimes, even the critics).
It's the study of human social dynamics.
If you think about it, human dynamics is actually at the heart of almost any movie for two reasons: First, most movies are about people and their relationships with themselves and others, and is the story of those relationships - whether conflict, growth, or love - that is motivating force behind the story.
Secondly, the very purpose of the film - whether to persuade or entertain - requires that a relationship be firmly established and carefully controlled between the characters on the screen and the audience in the seats. In reality, the most important relationship in any movie is the relationship between the characters on the screen and you.
When you consider this, you begin to see that although they each have their technical specialty, anyone intimately involved in the creation and design of the movie - whether director, composer, cinematographer, screenwriter, costume designer, computer graphics artist, or actor, all of them need to have a commanding grasp of how to create a relationship with the audience. Steven Spielberg may not have the most technical expertise in directing - he only got his film degree in 2002!), but what he does have unquestionably is an understanding of how to move his audience.
Actors and actresses in particular face a especially daunting task, for they must not only possess a deep understanding of what need to be done, but an incredible level of skill in being able to control themselves to achieve that effect.
One our favorite actors is Brad Pitt. Now, some readers may like him and some may not, but in either case there is no denying that he has become famous both for the variety of roles he plays (if you doubt his versatility, you only need to watch Fight Club, Burn After Reading, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button to have that concern laid to rest), and, of course, his sex appeal.
One of our favorite Brad Pitt movies is Ocean's Eleven. If you haven't seen it, the movie is a remake of an old 1960's movie staring the original Rat Pack (including Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.), and tells the story of a group of suave cons who successfully rob multiple Las Vegas casinos using their charm along with an unimaginably complex and clever plan. In the 2001 remake, George Clooney plays Danny Ocean, the mastermind of the scheme, with Brad Pitt playing Rusty, a good friend and former partner and in their previous capers.
Besides being a great movie for entertainment, we also like the movie because so obviously demonstrates many of the principles we talk about. Both Danny and Rust are unbelievably smooth and savvy, and use their mastery of dealing with others to pull off an incredible heist.
In fact, the movie is so good at illustrating many of dynamics we talk about, that today we're going to use a clip from the movie to illustrate one of the most important concepts when dealing with others:
Frame Control.
The frame in any interaction is the set of unspoken assumptions that set the context in which you are having a conversation.
For example, if you are in a job interview and the interviewer asks you to describe yourself, the implicit understanding between the both of you is that he is trying to find out more about you that will help him determine your fit for the job.
However, if your date asks you the same question, the underlying assumption about why they are asking and what kind of information they are looking for is significantly different.
This overarching context can be quite powerful, precisely because it is often unspoken. For example, a basic example that is often taught in sales classes is called assuming the sale. Say you are a salesperson and you are trying to sell a shirt to a customer. After answering all her questions, you could ask "So would you like to buy it?", but books on sales (and sales training) would recommend you ask "So, would you like me to box this separately or along with your other things?
See the difference? The first is directly asking whether or not they want to purchase the item, which causes them to consciously consider whether or not they want the item. The second question assumes they are going to purchase, and that you merely want to know how you would like it wrapped. In other words, you have set the frame of the situation as if they have already agreed to buy it.
Now we don't necessarily recommend doing this in many situations, since if someone realizes what you're doing it can come across as sleazy and pushy (especially in sales), but the point is clear: when a frame is established, people often find it difficult or emotionally uncomfortable in breaking that frame and establishing a new one. Generally, each person enters any interaction with a set of assumptions - with a frame - and when starting the interaction, those frames compete with each other to see which frame will win out.
The rule of frame control is this:
The person with the stronger frame controls the interaction.
Let's make it concrete with an example from Brad. In the below movie clip, Rusty (Brad's character) is trying to recruit a bunch of fellow-criminals to the team so they can pull of the heist. One of these guys is named Basher - played by Don Cheadle - a British demolitions expert that they need to blow out the security system in the casinos they're going to rob. On a previous job, however, Basher's doing a job (robbery) with a group of lesser criminals, and they screw up and Basher get's caught. The scene starts just as Basher's being taken out of the bank by police. Click below to watch the clip:
Entertaining, no?
So let's take a look at what happened here.
As the clip started, the police offer was grilling Basher about his use of booby traps. Basher tried to counter and assert his own frame (that he he was innocent) by asking the officer was 'accusing' him, but because because he was caught red handed, the office held his frame that he (the officer) was in charge, and that Basher was lowly scum.
Enter Rusty. He proceeds to steal the frame from the officer in a few key steps:
Expertise. The first thing he does is establish himself as an expert, saying that "Booby traps aren't [Basher's] style." This implies (i.e. sets the frame) that he is familiar with Basher's work.
Authority. Since came in with such seeming authority and expertise, the officer's first reaction would naturally"who is this guy?", so Rusty proceeds to demonstrate his 'authority' by flashing a badge. Of course, there's no way the officer could actually see what was written (or even if it was a legitimate badge) in the amount of time Rusty had it open, but again Rusty acted as if he had done this a million times before. If he had handed the badge to the officer and said "look...see?", that would have seemed try-hard.
Creating Doubt. After reeling off a bunch of more technical stuff, he asks the officer if he really searched Basher closely. Here is where the frame really begins to shift. Rusty has demonstrated exceptional familiarity with Basher and competence, so now he makes the officer doubt his own competence by asking him if he really searched him. The officer demonstrates that Rusty is starting to steal the frame from him when he starts moving back in to do what Rusty said and search Basher again.
Dominance. As the officer moves in, Brad knows he's not going to find anything (since he knows Basher doesn't have any booby traps on him), so he literally pushes the officer back and pushes Basher down on the car. Here the frame transfer is complete, as the the unspoken assumption is that Rusty is now in charge.
Frame Maintenance. When Rusty asks the officer to find Griggs, the officer tries to question Rusty's frame by asking for more information. To this, Rusty just yells "just find him, will ya?", and the officer runs off.
This ability to control the frame is a very common feature among many people who are in positions of power. In fact, whether you're talking about actors, CEOs, or politicians, you being to notice something interesting:
Many of the most powerful and highest-paid positions in the world have understanding and influencing human relationships through frame control as one of their primary skills.
Of course, for many of these people, this skill just comes naturally. Ask them why or how they do the things they do, and they'll just stare at you blankly.
Luckily, that's where we come in.
See, we take folks who are already good at this stuff - those incredible actors, those powerful businessmen, those charming politicians - and using everything we know about the science of human dynamics, break down exactly what it is they are doing, and how you can learn to do it to - step by step.
Until Next Time,
The Social Charm Team
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