Hi Social Charmer,

Last time we looked in-depth at the concept of social status, and its importance in all human social interactions. Today, we want to go into a bit more depth into how status works, and how it is conveyed.

Remember that when we talk about status, we're really talking about survival and reproduction value - not necessarily from the logical, rational standpoint of what works best in today's modern environment, but what resonates with people on a emotional level, based upon what worked best throughout most of evolutionary history (remember that modern civilization is only a tiny fraction of the time that mankind has existed on this planet).

At SocialCharm, we've done our homework and identified 36 distinct factors that people look at to determine another person's status. It is important to remember that though all these things make sense, most of this screening is done both very rapidly and unconsciously.

The 36 factors can be divided into 5 areas:

• Physical
• Emotional Strength
• Emotional Flexibility
• Mental
• Lifestyle

Today we'll cover the physical and emotional strength factors, next time, we'll focus on the emotional flexibility factors and mental factors, and in the third installment, the lifestyle ones.

For each of the factors, we'll start with the definition as given in the Prologue, followed by some additional comments. (For a free copy of our Prologue: An Introduction to Social Dynamics, sign up for our free StarterSeries e-mail newsletter)

Let's get started:

Physical Factors

• Looks - outward physical traits, largely genetically determined, including height, skin type, eye color, facial structure, body type, and the like. Though difficult to modify, things such as shoe lifts, colored contacts, tans, and plastic surgery can alter these characteristics.

So there's not a lot you can do here. If you're a guy, while being good looking is helpful, it's really not that important. If you're short (under 6"), purchasing a pair of shoes with lifts in them (you can find them here) can help, but it's not that big a deal. If you're a woman, this is more important, but again there are many things you can do (like grooming, which we talk about next) that can substantially move things in your favor. Although many men and women do have surgical procedures to augment these things, unless you were born with significant defects, surgery really isn't necessary.

• Grooming - things like hair styling, body hair, facial hair, nails, makeup, proper hyigene, etc. More to do with the care taken than with the stylistic element - i.e. combing your hair is grooming; how you comb is is style.

Girls usually have this down pat. Guys, you could often use some help with this. Though we go into a lot more detail about grooming in our Physique & Style ExpertSeries program, for now, here's some simple steps for guys to follow:

1. Trim the hair on your eyebrows, nose, chest, and your nether regions. If your back is hairy, get that taken care of. You're not a caveman any more. Just do it.
2. The proper haircut can make all the difference. Go to a local high-end hair stylist, and ask them what would look good on you. Let them try it. More likely than not, they'll work magic on you. Keep your self well-groomed by returning frequently. It's worth it. We promise.

• Style - the aethestic partner to grooming, but also includes things like fashion and accessories, but also includes non-personal accessories like your car, your house, even things like your pen or your handkerchief.

Again, though we go through this in much more depth in our Physique & Style ExpertSeries program, here's some tips for guys (again, women usually are relative experts in this area, or at the very least have friends who are that they can ask):

1. Ask a stylish female friend or co-worker to go shopping with you. They'll probably love you for it. If you don't have many female friends or don't feel comfortable asking, go into the store and ask the salesperson to help you out.

2. Suck it up and take a look at some fashion magazines. You don't need to be a Versace model, but something beyond a plain polo shirt and kakhis would be good.

• Body Language - the way you hold your self and the things you do with your body. Everyone's heard that people tend to cross their arms when they are defensive or insecure - this is an example of body language (incidentally, this isn't true - you can find out more about body language in our Core Program)

If you don't know how crucial body language is, you do now: if you want to improve your ability to successfully interact with others, you must be able to use your body language and read the body language of others. One quick thing you can do to substantially improve your body language is improve your posture.

To do so, stand up and pretend there is a string attached to the bottom of your sternum (the hard bone in the middle of your chest) and that the string is being pulled up and forward. That will cause you to lift your chest, bring your shoulders back and down, and bring your posture into alignment, all in one simple move. Practice holding that whenever you stand, walk, or sit.

• Vocal Dynamics - everything about the way you speak: the volume, pitch, tone, speed, and any accept or particular speech patterns you might have.

Vocal dynamics are incredibly important, and one of the most important things you can easily change to communicate higher status. To do so, you need only to remember four words: Speak Louder. Speak Slower. Practice every chance you get.

• Physical Dynamics - different from body language in that this describes the way you move, in terms of speed, strength, and size.

The appropriate physical dynamics vary dramatically for men and women depending upon their objectives, but in almost every case, you can display status by eliminating all ticks, twitches, fidgets, or any other movement not directly involved in communication with another person, slowing down your movements, and taking up more space. We get into this in much more detail in the Core Program.

• Energy - often reflected by your vocal and physical dynamics, energy is the underlying level of stamina, excitement, and focus you bring to an interaction
  Without going into more detail, a good rule of thumb is that - at least when starting an interaction - your energy level should be equal to or slightly above the person or group you are interacting with. If you're in bar where people are getting all rowdy, you're going to be much higher energy than if you're in a library or coffee shop.
  
  
• Health & Fitness - your general level of health, both cardiovascular and muscular, as well as the absence or presence of any diseases or physical disabilities.
  This one should be fairly obvious. People like people who are healthy and are in good shape. For both men and women, the answers are the same:

1. Eat healthier. The key here is to eat foods with a low Glycemic Index (GI) - a number that indicates how quickly and how much a given food will raise your blood sugar level. High blood sugar levels have been linked to all kinds of problems. Eating lower GI foods will also help smooth out your energy level. You can find a list of GIs for many common foods here. Notice we're NOT focusing on calories or fat here. This is intentional. For more information on GI, just Google it - you'll be amazed what you can find.

2. Workout. And by 'workout' we mean 'lift weights'. Heavy weights. Ladies too. (We've heard many woman say their concerned with getting "bulky". This simply won't happen. The testosterone levels in most women are much lower than men, which is the ultimate source of muscle growth. Women won't get bulky, they'll get toned and shapely. If you don't believe us, ask guys who work out if most of the women they see in the weight room are 'bulky'. More often than not, they have some of the most attractive bodies in the gym.)

Emotional Strength Factors

• Self-Esteem - a sense that your thoughts, feelings, actions and believes have inherent value simply because they are yours, and not necessarily because they are validated by anyone else or by society.

The tricky thing about self-esteem is that you can't really work on it directly - it is a by-product of living your values and doing things you didn't think you could do. The key here is to start small. For those of you who don't excercise, try this experiment: for the next two weeks, commit to doing one push-up a day.

Not more. Not less. Just one.

For those of you who do exercise, Here's your challenge: Pick one habit - a small one - you want to work on for next two weeks. Write it down. (Seriously: write it down - we know you're at a computer, so there's no reason you can't type it. You can delete the file afterward, but just write it down.)

Got it?

Now - and this is the magical part - write down the one thing you're not going to do in order to free up time to do the first thing.

Write it down.

Now, your goal for the next two weeks is to not do the thing you said you wouldn't .

If you get the original thing done, great. But your first priority is to not do what you said you wouldn't.

This is only for yourself. We'll never know.;

But you will.

In a about a week, we'll check in with you, to remind you. In two weeks, we'll check in again and see if you did it.

Small, steady steps: this is the key to self-esteem.

• Decisiveness - the ability to make a decision and stick with it, especially in circumstances where the cost of the decision is high or where there is no obvious choice.

Here's an easy way to practice this: next time you and your friends get together to eat, go out, or see a show and somebody asks "So, where should we go?", suggest a place. It doesn't even matter if you don't really care, just suggest something. If some one suggests something, say "yes" or "no". Do not, under any circumstances, ever say "I don't know - where do you want to go."

• Assertiveness - the ability to act or speak in a manner that demands another to consider your views or opinions, especially in the face of resistance or conflict.

Another simple exercise (but one that can be very difficult for other people): practice saying no. If it's very difficult for you, start small: if someone asks you a favor, just say "Actually, I'm kind of busy right now" or "Actually, I think I'm busy then." It's not always easy (especially if you think of yourself as "nice", but being able to say no is crucially important.

• Self-Discipline - the ability to execute one's higher-level plan despite lower-level desires to the contrary.

For now, the exercise above on self-esteem will work for self-discipline, too.

• Perseverance - the ability to continue a course of action or thought for an extended period of time, despite barriers or resistance.
  There's no exercise we can give you work on this in the short term, since by definition perseverance requires sustained committment over time. One tip we can give when you're getting frustrated is to stop and take a few minutes to remember why you're doing what you're doing in the first place. Feel the excitement or desire again, and use this feeling to keep you going.
• Non-Reactivity - the ability to remain emotionally unfazed by external events.
  This is an incredibly important yet often overlooked sign of status, because it conveys so many of the other factors listed above. We have developed some incredibly powerful ways for helping you develop this ability (which we go through in detail in our Core Program), but a simple tip we can give to help with this is one we learned from one of our friends who's a a trial lawyer. He said that when he is in an intense trial situation, he helps remain calm by focus on the feeling of his feet on the floor. Try it out. It works.

Each of these factors can be worked on and improved separately, but it's really when you combine these factors together with an understanding of human social dynamics and how to use these factors that you begin to see revolutionary change in your ability to navigate almost any social situation. Our Core Program is designed be the most effective system for doing exactly that by combining, instruction, audio, video, and interactive exercises to help transform you into the person you want to be.

In the next issue, we'll continue our coverage of the 36 SocialFactors, and tips on how you can apply them to create the life you want.

Until next time,

The Social Charm Team

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