Seeing the SocialMatrix: Part III
Posted by: bflorez in StarterSeries, SocialMatrix, Social Dynamics on
Dec 27, 2008
You're getting close. We're now on issue #8 of this ramp-up series, and we hope you're finding these posts useful on getting you up to speed. Remember that you can send us feedback or questions at any time via e-mail at CharmingChatter@socialcharm.net or visit the "Contact Us" section of our website, www.socialcharm.net. You (and people like you) are the ones who pay our bills, so we like knowing what we can do to make you happy.
So where were we? Remember that the 36 factors influencing social skill can be divided into 5 main types:
- Physical
- Emotional Strength
- Emotional Flexibility
- Mental
- Lifestyle
As we've already covered everything else, today we're going to focus on the lifestyle factors. These are factors that aren't related directly to you per se, but more about the kind of life you lead. This is tremendously important, as it helps bring all of the other pieces together to create a holistic sense that you have your act together.
As we've done in the past, for each of the factors, we'll start with the definition as given in the Prologue, followed by some additional comments. This is a short section, so at the end we'll wrap up by briefly recapping and brining it all together.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the lifestyle factors:
Lifestyle
decorations in your house, the cleanliness of your surroundings, etc.
The general idea here is that you're life and work environment should be consistent with your identity (Identity is a crucial concept related to values & ethics factor - among others - as is covered in great detail in Volume IV of our Core Program: Crafting your Social Identity) and convey who you are. If you're an artist, you'd better have some paintings up in your house or apartment (especially your paintings, if they're any good); if you're a successful corporate type, you shouldn't be driving that '87 LaBaron anymore.
We're not saying that you have to spend a lot of money, but put some thought into the way your living space is laid out and decorated.
Always having access to the coolest events is certainly a way to demonstrate status. Some quick tips:
- Become a regular. For your favorite bars and clubs, try going during the week, frequently at the beginning and then just on occasion to keep up relations. It'll be much less crowded, and you'll get a chance to make friends with the bartenders and staff. Be nice, tip heavily, and when the busy weekend comes you'll be much more likely to get preferential treatment.
- Get more for your money. An easy way to get access to events (while simultaneously saving money) is an easy one: ensure that your primary credit card gives you 'points' that you can redeem for rewards. You can visit creditcards.com to search for the card that is right for you (we like the AMEX Preferred Rewards Gold Card); certain cards will allow you to buy tickets for shows before they go on public sale, and often at a substantial discount. Of course, if you are going to use a card for points purposes, make sure you pay it off every month, as if you don't you'll probably lose more money in interest payments that you'll save on event tickets.
Your social network includes all the people that you interact with that you would not consider strangers. It includes your closest friends (usually one or two people), your close friends (usually 3-6 people), your larger circle of friends (usually 6-25 people), and your acquaintances.
These people are important in your life, as they a) have the most impact on the type of person you become; b) are one of the primary means through which you meet new people; and c) tell people who are just meeting you a great deal about you.
Because your social network has such an important role in your life, you need to learn how to effectively grow and manage it consciously. We spend a lot of time on this in the later volumes of the Core Program, as well as a few of the ExpertSeries volumes.
This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, since if anything our capitalistic society places too much emphasis on using this one factor to try to achieve social status. If you've read this far, you should now have an appreciation for how having money is only one factor) for achieving social status.
However, this doesn't mean it doesn't have an impact. In the Dali Lama's book, The Art of Happiness, His Holiness lays out a series of guidelines for living a happy and fulfilled life. You know what his first rule was?
Have enough money.
So now what?
This is where the fun really begins. See, so far we've covered the why and what, but we haven't yet really talked about how to really achieve social mastery. The reason is that, until you covered these basics, we couldn't. But now that we've laid the foundation, we can start getting into how to take the knowledge you've gained so far and start developing the skill necessary to put this knowledge to use in your own life.
In the next issue, we'll start talking about the reasons that so many people fail at making real substantial change in their life, and how we - through sound scientific research and theory - have developed technology that can really help you accelerate your learning and help you improve your ability and skill in navigating social interactions and improving relationships in a way that will truly change your life.
Until next time,
The Social Charm Team
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