The Most Important Thing You Will Learn
Posted by: bflorez in Status, StarterSeries on
Dec 28, 2008
Today's post is a very important one, as we're going to discuss probably the single most important concept in the area of social dynamics.
Status.
Now you probably have an intuitive sense of what it means when someone has high status, right? Movie stars, hot-shot CEOs, models, the wealthy elite - all of these kinds of people are considered by society to be "high status." On a smaller scale, you probably knew (or know) people who convey a sense of status. Even in high-school, there was always the group of "cool kids" - often the jocks and the cheerleaders - who everybody knew was "cool", even if they didn't like them. In short, everybody has a general agreement on what status looks like.
But what is it that determines someone's status? If we can begin to break down exactly what makes someone high status, we can begin to understand the dynamics that come in to play.
In the last newsletter, we talked at length about the primary values, survival and reproduction, as well as the secondary values of health, wealth, and relationships that directly aid survival and reproduction.
Well, here's the secret formula:
Status = Survival Value + Reproduction Value
That's the ticket.
Here's the 2nd piece of the puzzle - in most societies today:
- Men obtain status from their survival value.
- Women obtain status from their reproductive value.
This about this for a moment and you'll find that it's broadly true. High status men are usually:
Wealthy. As we already mentioned, wealth not only signifies an ability to compete successfully for scare resources (i.e. money), but also the ability to aid a women and her children with material goods (food, shelter, etc.), facilitating their survival.
Powerful. Power is nothing more than ability to get what you want (and money is merely one form of power.) Again, being powerful not only conveys an ability to obtain resources, but also an ability to protect those you care about.
Older. Though not universally true, other things being equal men tend to peak in status later than women. Though this is often related to the fact that certainly power (and perhaps wealth) tend to peak later in life, there are also biological survival reasons. Testosterone (of which men have significantly more than women) actually suppresses the immune system, making people with higher levels of testosterone more susceptible to disease. Therefore, it takes an even stronger immune system to combat off disease when faced with higher levels of testosterone in the body. Thus, the longer a man survives and is healthy, the more fit his genes must be to stave off the effects of high testosterone - in other words, his genes have a high survival value.
Compare that with higher status women, who are usually:
Physically Attractive. Numerous studies have shown that men nearly universally find women attractive who have body proportions ideal for bearing children (i.e. reproducing). Women with large breasts, small waists, wider hips, long legs and firm butts are universally accepted as signs of attractiveness. Facial and bodily symmetry and smooth, radiant skin are signs of good genes, proper nourishment, and freedom from disease.
Younger. Although individual preferences vary, across almost every culture women between the ages of 25-31 are considered most desirable, consistent with the period of highest fertility (i.e., ability to reproduce).
Now, we're not saying that women are only obtain status through their reproductive value or that men are only accorded status for their survival value. If you have a women who is 26, beautiful, has a degree from Harvard Law, and makes $350,000 a year, she'll definitely have more status than 24 year old waitress, no matter how beautiful the waitress is (at least in 99% of situations).
However, we are staying that - for better or worse - men's status derives primarily from their survival value and women's from their reproductive value.
Status, Status Everywhere
So why does status matter?
Simple: how people perceive your status will often dramatically affect how they feel and act toward you.
Consider the following example from the Prologue (to receive a free copy of the Prologue: An Introduction to Social Dynamics, sign up for our free StarterSeries series of e-mails.)
Consider the scenario where you are waiting at a cross-walk when someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn around, you see an older man, tall and well-dressed. He flashes a smile, and explains that that he forgot his wallet back at the opera house and was wondering if he could have five dollars to take a cab back to pick it up since it's getting late and he needs to meet his wife for dinner.If you're like most people, you'd probably try to be nice and give the man the five dollars he needed.
Now, however, consider what would happen if instead of seeing a well-heeled gentleman when
you turned around, you saw a dirty, toothless old bum who reeked of alcohol.How likely would you be to give him the five dollars?
What happened here? The well-dressed man, tall and debonair, instantaneously conveyed status. The bum did not. When this study was conducted, the number of people who gave the well-dressed gentleman money was more than five times the number of people who gave the bum the money.
Let's look closer at this for a minute. Two people. Both strangers. Both asking for money. Yet the high status person made five times the money in an equal amount of time, as people's behavior towards that person was markededly different.
The point is this: when someone is of high status (i.e. high value), people will often do nice things for the, in the (subconscious) hope of getting value back in return.
The concept of status works in many ways. Another excerpt from the Prologue:
This concept of status is at work in every social interaction - when two people are interacting, one
is almost always of higher status than the other person, even if only slightly, and this can be seen
in a wide variety of ways. For example, the lower status person often unconsciously adopts or
mirrors the other person's mannerisms. In Robert Cialdini's famous book Influence, he tells of an
analysis of Larry King's interviews. When Mr. King was interviewing people of lesser social status
than he, the other person would adopt the speech patterns and body language of Mr. King. However,
when he would interview people of higher status - President Clinton or Kofi Anann (former
Secretary of the U.N.), for example - it was Mr. King would who would adapt his behavior to
theirs.
The point is this: as you become more comfortable and confident in social situations, you will rise in status. As you do this, a whole new world of opportunities will open up to you - professionally, romantically, socially. The way you will do this, is by learning how to give people more of what they value. We'll say it again:
The way to improve your social status is by learning the skills to calibrate the type and amount of value you give people - if you learn to GIVE value, you will begin to GET value...THAT'S Social Mastery.
This is where we at Social Charm come in. We have identified the 36 factors that affect your ability to calibrate and convey value, and developed methods to rapidly and effectively train you to utilize those factors to successfully navigate any social interaction.
In the next CharmingChatter newsletter, we'll begin to delve into each of these factors in more detail, and discuss how you can learn to develop the skills necessary to really achieve social mastery. (If you're anxious to get started for real, you can purchase Volume I of our Core Program here).
Until Next Time,
The Social Charm Team
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